1. depression, again depression. & the return to my cognitive behavioral therapy worksheets cuz i gotta live. 

2. acting like an animal. a bad one; stealing good things from good people. 

3. when i let you down and we had to deal with the let down but you did it so gracefully because you are a kind human being who i love who loves me.

4. crying at The West after a birds LLC reading and too much champagne cuz i was full of love and full of fear and full of champagne and then i cried at Dan Magers for 45 minutes and he told me all about heartbreak and I meant to write him an email but didn't cuz i was embarrassed. 

5. living solo in BK in my dungeon. when you smoke in the tub alone and you say what do you want and you have no answer. and maybe you scream it a little and still nothing because desire was dead. 

6. when i stole a dog.

7.  deaths

8. July 18th- san francisco. losing. 

9.  all the Trailer Park in Chelsea moments of my pathetic life. when i got dragged out of the bar. i want to speak to the manager plz. 

10. to step into that sleep in Baton Rouge in October and feeling like to change my life was to accept a death. to write and find nothing in the writing. to hate writing. & having to be okay with a dying. sitting in a fear. touching all the books so i could live a little more. falling asleep afraid. being a coward. being a coward. 

TOP 10

1. MEGA GRILS BRUNCH. AA. ROOF TOP. SUMMER TIME SADNESS. finally, after two years, friends here in this newish place.

2.  YEEZUS on the train after three Manhattans; crying. 


4. living solo in bk in my castle. cuz loneliness is just a fucking thing that passes through a human body. i am just a bunch of holes.

5. thanksgiving cuz i was grateful really grateful for my two best friends. watching edward scissorshands. mistake deserts. 

6. my white jazz summer

7. POEMS ARE THE ONLY REAL BODIES. BLOOF.   cuz hurryet tubman cuz dd cuz e-pistols. <3  

8. carina called me a bitch.  

9.  all my time with Sean. cuz Sean. cuz light. cuz friendship. cuz failure is good next to someone who is okay watching you fail. 

10. listening to the ________________ right now. now. now. fuck you 2013. you didn't kill me.